if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You ruined the universe
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
