Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
