I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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