if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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