i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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