i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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