we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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