Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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