her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
