seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize