omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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