You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
