hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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