I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
