just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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