if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
