You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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