there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
