No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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