Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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