If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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