Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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