that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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