So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
