Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
