Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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