oh god the rape fog is back!
i barfeds in our rink
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
