Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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