My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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