I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
