Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
