Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
