You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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