This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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