I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
