He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My Higher Power is John Stamos
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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