Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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