Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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