we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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