i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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