U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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