Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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