yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He has the fingertips of a God
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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