they said they heard you say put it in my butt
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
