You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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