Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
