yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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