Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
