He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
