I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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