found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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