24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
