maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
