____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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