I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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