If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
