Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
