he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
