Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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