I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
