Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
