He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
