ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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