I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
