You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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