We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
